Episode 238 - You Don't Need to Remember Everything at Once

Hi I'm Keith and welcome to Lighter Than You Started. It's Wednesday and today I'd like to ask you a slightly unusual question. How many things are you currently trying not to forget? Perhaps there's something you need to buy. An email you need to send.

A birthday coming up. Something you need to take with you tomorrow, a question you want to ask someone, a bill that needs paying, an idea you don't want to lose, A job that you've promised yourself you'll do later. Individually none of these things are particularly heavy but together they can become surprisingly noisy. It's almost as though there's a little voice in the background of our mind saying don't forget that and another and don't forget this and another oh and remember too before long our minds are carrying their selection and mental sticky notes. And the interesting thing is even when we're not actually thinking about them we can still feel that they're there waiting.

Have you ever been sitting somewhere trying to relax and suddenly remembered something you need to do tomorrow? You think I must remember that! Then ten minutes later you remember that you need to remember it. It's quite an inefficient system when you think about that but many of us do it. Perhaps we're just somewhere along the way we've confused remembering with responsibility.

We think if something matters we should be able to hold on to it. That responsible people remember. Organized people remember. People who have their lives together remember. But perhaps that's not quite true.

Maybe responsible people don't necessarily remember everything. Maybe they've simply learned where to put things so they don't have to. Think about going shopping. If you need 12 things you should repeat them to yourself all the way around the supermarket. Bread, milk, coffee, apples, toothpaste, bread, milk, coffee or you should write a list.

The list doesn't make you any less capable It makes your mind available for something else. Perhaps that's the part we sometimes overlook. Every little thing we're trying not to forget occupies a tiny piece of our attention. Not enough to stop us functioning just enough to make everything feel slightly fuller. Like carrying a handful of shopping bags.

Each one on its own is manageable but eventually you realize you don't have a free hand. Maybe Wednesday's a good day to put a few bags down. Not permanently just somewhere safe. Write the thing down. Put the appointment in the calendar.

Set the reminder. Leave the item by the door. Send yourself the note. Tell the person you'll come back to them tomorrow and then give the thought somewhere else to live. There's only almost physical about the relief that can create.

The moment you write something down and think right I don't have to hold that anymore and perhaps that's worth noticing because our minds are wonderful at many things. Imagining, creating, solving problems, connecting ideas, remembering people, noticing beauty, making us laugh at something that happened fifteen years ago while we're trying to fall asleep. They're extraordinary but perhaps we don't need to use them as filing cabinets as well. There's another kind of mental remembering too. The things we feel we must keep checking.

Remember that you're waiting for that reply. Remember that this person hasn't called. Remember that problem isn't solved yet. As though worrying about something is how we ensure it remains important. But a problem doesn't disappear simply because we stop thinking about it for half an hour.

And we don't become irresponsible because we allow our attention to rest somewhere else. We can know that something needs dealing with without carrying it every single minute until it is. Perhaps that's a distinction worth making. Remembering what matters doesn't require thinking about it constantly. You can give somewhere a place a time a note a plan then return to where you are.

Because the goal isn't to empty your mind completely. I'm not sure mine would to operate anyway. The goal is simply to notice what you're carrying unnecessarily. Perhaps it's something you've already thought about six times today but you're afraid you'll forget it. Write it down.

Perhaps there's something for tomorrow occupying today. Give it a place in tomorrow. Perhaps there's a small task you've been mentally carrying all week that would take two minutes to finish. Maybe just do it. Not because you need to become more productive simply because it would be nice not to tarry it anymore.

And perhaps there's something you can't resolve yet. A reply that hasn't arrived. A decision someone else has to make. Something outside your control. Maybe that can be put down too.

Not forgotten. Just not continuously held. We sometimes talk about having a lot on our minds and perhaps that's exactly what it feels like. Things sitting on us. Not enormous things necessarily just lots of little ones.

So today perhaps give a few of them somewhere else to sit. On a sheet of paper. On a notepad. On a post it note. On a calendar.

A reminder tomorrow. Because being responsible doesn't mean remembering everything at once. Sometimes it means creating enough trust in your own systems that your mind is allowed to be where you are. Today's thought for you. You don't need to remember everything at once.

Thank you for sharing this moment and as always I hope you end today feeling lighter than you started. Go gently and I'll see you tomorrow on the flip side. You can now listen to the Lighter Than You Started podcast on Alexa. Simply say Alexa play the lighter than You Started podcast. Lighter than You Started is a think of something publishing production.